Upon making my regular visit to my local arcades, checking out what’s new and what’s popular, I came across a rather disturbing sight. There, right in front of me; two grey-haired people holding pump-action shotguns, standing in front of my beloved House Of The Dead III. I had heard rumours, tales about things such as “growing old” – hair changing colour, shrinking and the likes – but I’ve never paid too much attention to “Urban Myths”.

“Strange how?”

“Nope.”

            Well, so much for the fountain of gaming wisdom. I relied on my Independent stores for the knowledge I failed to gain through hours of ‘net trudging, but today my resources were drier then a monkey in a microwave. So, I’ve established that there seems to be some kind of alternate race, possibly subterranean (the lack of sunlight would explain their pale complexions and colourless hair, and they may have smaller bodies for burrowing), and that they like videogames, or light-gun games at least. My next stop was the High-Street stores, and the horror to be had within was ten-fold today.

            As I approached and the doors swung violently back as if to be terrified that I might put my greasy-mitts on them, inside stood one of the strangest sights I had ever seen. The shop was full of colour, brimming – yellows, greens, blues, reds – and sound too, but only up to about three foot. The colour and sound seemed to be contained within some kind of invisible electron field and standing over six feet tall, it was like a wave hitting me about my waist height, and above lay still and patient. The shop was full of children, running, screaming, jumping about etc., but there were also hundreds of the alien creatures bounding around the shop, talking to the assistants and purchasing a PlayStation2. They were everywhere.

“Buying games.” Ohh, yeah, like I couldn’t work that one out…

            Moving on quickly, home was the answer. Didn’t buy anything new today so I thought I’d console myself by kicking the living crap out of James - a guy I met online about two years ago with a passion for the classic RTS, Command & Conquer: Red Alert was the order of the day. I arrived home, turned on the computer and made a cup of tea while the blasted thing made its usual three attempts to dial-up before actually logging me onto the network. Broadband… broadband – always on my mind, never enough in my wallet.

            No sooner had then kettle boiled than the “PING!” of a new contact message ringed throughout the house.

So, of course, first stop James’ site.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! This is not want I expected! As the page loaded and the clumsy 56k refresh rate stabilised, there in front of me, sat the guy I’d been whooping for the last two years… a shrivelled, wrinkly, grey-haired pale man.

This little episode had me stumbling back and forth in confusion through my gaming library, and nowhere could I find evidence of this race that James had told me was known as “old”. But now, as the sun sets on the dawn of games consoles and the true battle with the entertainment industries begins, these people too had chosen their allegiance, and it seemed that no-one was safe from the allure of the polygon… except maybe those “middle-aged” things I keep hearing about…